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Podcast Episode 10 - Empath Unplugged with Esther Bertram

How Can Empaths Reframe Reality to Improve Their Wellbeing?

As an empath, it’s so important to have a healthy balance in your life. In this 10th episode of Empath Unplugged, host Esther Bertram explores topics in psychology and philosophy to help you find a better perspective and achieve a healthier balance. You’ll learn how to reframe reality and find new neural pathways that are more conducive to your holistic health.

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Full Transcription

00:01
Esther Bertram
Welcome to Empath Unplugged, a frequent release podcast of RAW and philosophical reflections on wellbeing, love, and the meaning of life. Brought to you by your host, Esther Bertram, founder of the Inzel, a rejuvenation island and community for empaths. Expect topics such as philosophy, psychology, art, culture, spirit, science, holistic health, and the occasional beach fire song to be part of your wonder ride to your Oceanside escape.
00:31
Esther Bertram
It's time to breathe in the salty air and bask in the soothing warm sun to relax, reflect and vibe along with a fellow empath to rejuvenate. As most episodes refer to my 1-2-3 theory, I will provide an overview of it here for new listeners. Feel free to skip ahead 4 minutes if you know it already. In my twenties I created 2 interlocking theories as I needed a framework for three reasons. One, to know how to optimise my holistic wellbeing to have mutually beneficial relationships and letting go of toxic relationships and tangle nations with narcissists 3 to have lots of time and energy to give in to my positive impact businesses and contribute to the world in a meaningful way.
01:21
Esther Bertram
I've now spent two decades putting the theories into practice. When they work, hence me now sharing them with the world. The 1-2-3 theory is a way to assess if you are optimised and able to give the most amount of love and energy to the world for the longest sustained time. The five finger theory explores each domain of holistic health and works in conjunction with the 1-2-3 theory and helps you calibrate each department. To have maximum output in your life, the 1-2-3 theory states you need to be in the order of the 1-2-3-1 is yourself. Two are your loved ones. Three is the rest of the world or your contribution.
02:06
Esther Bertram
When you nurture your holistic wellbeing, first one, then you are better able to have mutually beneficial relationships too. And as a byproduct of this combination, you have so much excess energy to give three your contribution to the world. This order of the 1-2-3 ensures maximum output in all departments for the longest duration. Some people are three two ones or three one twos, putting their cause, business or mission before anything else. This isn't sustainable long term if you value health and relationships. Many empaths, like I was in the past, have the default setting of being a 2-1-3 giving to others before themselves, but that blocks their flow into their three and as a consequence, they have little time and energy for their contribution.
03:00
Esther Bertram
It's particularly dangerous to be a 2-1-3 when you are together with or around a narcissist, as they are double one two threes or double one three twos where they put themselves first twice in an energy vamping way. When an empath has it too at the start, giving to others first, this fits like a jigsaw into the narcissist double one. This bond is notoriously risky for empaths and often hard to break. So I'm on a mission to help empaths become strong one two threes.
03:33
Esther Bertram
Or would I like to call super empaths so they can thrive in life, love and work, and not get caught wasting years of their precious life in tangled nations? This podcast. The empath community I have built and my book the 1-2-3 theory are all part of achieving this mission. To dive deeper into both theories, head over to the123theory.com where you can read or listen to my book. Now that you have the basic gist of the 1-2-3 theory, let's begin this podcast. Hello, listeners. Welcome to podcast episode 10. That's a lovely milestone to arrive at.
04:17
Esther Bertram
So today's topic is how can empaths reframe reality to improve their wellbeing? So the topic of today is when you're able to change your perspective, you can move towards a healthier life. Silence and. I really love the fields of psychology and philosophy because I feel that our mental state, and I think that our mental state is the biggest factor when it comes to holistic wellbeing. It's the drive behind many of those domains anyway. So even if we're thinking about physically improving our wellbeing, often it's the drive from our mental state that, you know, motivates us or initiates the change.
05:03
Esther Bertram
So mental. Wellbeing is the biggest in from my perspective area that we can look at when we want to move towards a state of holistic wellbeing and the whole purpose of this podcast. The creation of this podcast is to help empaths on their quest to become thriving 1-2-3 or what I call super empaths. So today's episode is all about just giving you more tips to help you skip along that path even faster. To get to your ideal destination. So most empaths want to use our sensitivities as superpower's rather than having them as setbacks.
05:47
Esther Bertram
And often along the way we experience them as setbacks before we've learnt to have boundaries or grounding techniques. Or we may end up in triangulations with people that are not conducive to our wellbeing. But when we learn certain mechanisms to put in place, we're able to convert them into super powers. And I think most people, not just empaths, want to glow from the inside and have all cylinders firing. I mean, if we were the fastest sperm back then, when we were heading towards our egg to form, we were already really good at striving towards achievement then and.
06:33
Esther Bertram
I think most of us have that within us in some amount that we want to improve and develop in various departments and some of us want to improve in all departments and this podcast is quite. Tailored for those who care about the whole listic development. So mind, heart, body, sole, purpose, facing shadows, so every cylinder is. Getting better and better and. We, I think empaths, really want especially to feel grounded and have strong boundaries and have mutually beneficial relationships so we can positively contribute to the world.
07:13
Esther Bertram
And those particular topics are ones that we seem to struggle with the most. But when we have a good handle on them, we're quite unstoppable and we can do a lot with our lives. So on this quest, what is it that stands in our way in the mountains and the valleys of this crazy quest we're on? Mental state and how we see the world and interpret the world is a big factor. And this is fantastic book called the Science of Storytelling from will store.
07:57
Esther Bertram
And he talks about, it's all about characters and story building and everything and world creation. And he talks about this concept theory of control and that every character has their own unique theory of control due to their upbringing and their experience and you know their mental construct of how they feel safe in the world. And a lot of the stories are about challenging that or justifying it and going through the character arc of what happens if they have that theory of control? What happens when it gets challenged? What do they transform to as a result? And it can inform a lot of the decisions of how a character would behave in different scenarios.
08:46
Esther Bertram
And this is so true for real life and real humans and how we all are. I think we grow up in life and do our best to survive. To start with, before we can even think about thriving, we want to just survive and. We want to feel safe, and our brains are wired for that. We're wired to survive. And when we experience any kind of trauma or experiences that, you know, push us to the edge of some kind of reality, our brains look for ways to protect ourselves and keep us in a safe place. And that forms our own theory of control and. This can be a great thing, but it can also be detrimental because sometimes.
09:40
Esther Bertram
While always life changes and situations change and as they say, this too shall pass. A lot of them are outdated, but what our mind ends up doing it becomes locked and fixed. In these mental States and ways we interpret reality because that's what we learnt what and we equated to safety and security. But it can really get in our own ways and i think that's what this podcast episode is about. It's about looking at that and learning some ways to get out of our own way and remaining flexible because as you get older.
10:25
Esther Bertram
These theories of control, the longer you have them, the more fixed they become. It's like, apparently I only learned this the other day, cause I'm building a house about cement and the slab and the curing process. Apparently it's curing. Decades later, it's still getting harder. I didn't know that it's on such a long process, but it's a bit like our brains. Like the longer we keep it in one position, the more dense and. Fixated it gets. It's harder to then make it flexible later, so. If anything comes out of this podcast, it's trying to inspire you to remain flexible mentally because it'll serve you better if you want to achieve.
11:15
Esther Bertram
Excellence across the board because we need to remain flexible. Another concept is I always think of Eckhart Tolle. He said it so well when he said ego identification with form. And that's a very common thing, that people like this sense of security when they know their opinions and they lock onto it and they find their identity by saying and it builds up their ego by committing to some kind of mental construct. And often it's a form of some kind.
11:54
Esther Bertram
It can be a mental construct form, or a physical form, or an idea or belief system. And it underlines and exaggerate not exaggerates it forms their ego by having that really intense identification with it. And again, that's it's a similar thing. It's that it becomes too rigid so. But what's tricky about this situation is the whole world promotes confidence and you know you need to go out in the world and know yourself and be you know, righteous in your beliefs and then the trouble is often when you are like that, when you're confident or you're an extrovert and you are opinionated, people generally respond quite well to that and it doesn't do us any favours that.
12:49
Esther Bertram
When the world mirrors back to us that it was great that you were so strong and opinionated and. It doesn't help us when the IT in this particular topic of remaining objective and open. So it's this fine line again. It's this, these nuanced things. I think having confidence and going out in the world and shining a bright light is the best thing ever, absolutely. But it's detrimental when you do that in a way that it's a fixed, dogmatic idea that doesn't have room for growth or other perspectives of reality. And yeah, there's a lot of establishments and dogmas out in the world that you can see on a world scale the destruction that can come from when an idea or a thought.
13:53
Esther Bertram
Construction is impenetrable. People can actually do horrible things to people on a grand scale, so that's not the right kind of confidence and righteousness. And I think that the more we as a society. Can remain open, receptive and flexible mentally. While keeping compassion in our heart? Then we've got a really good chance to walk collectively in a good path together. And it's not about dominating other people with your fixed ideas, so it's about remaining open so. Convictions to me are really double edged sword because in one hand when it's an ethical conviction, for example me with my veganism that's non negotiable no matter what, I'll never not be vegan.
14:52
Esther Bertram
When I became vegetarian when I was ten years old it was a switch that flicked and it's never going back. Then I became vegan when I was 21 And. That's an ethical conviction that will never ever change, and it's a fixed mindset based on my belief systems, which is about kindness and our respect and compassion towards living beings. And that's for me, that's a good thing and but where I need to remain open and it's the same for a lot of vegans out there.
15:30
Esther Bertram
Is having the tolerance for different people where they're up to on their journey towards true compassion, fully living beings, I think. We can lead by example and show the way like that, or we can try to, you know, twist someone's arm with it and be really dominant with it. But often people just. And I think about the activists. I love the fact that people are being activists, you know, for veganism. I couldn't do it personally because I. Yeah, i would have to face too many of the shadier sides of the meat industry to do it to start with. And also i don't personally feel like.
16:16
Esther Bertram
It often gets a good result. Sometimes people really get their backs up about it, but equally sometimes people, if they see a big demonstration on the street, they will change their mind. So that's why I'm fully in support of vegan activism activists, and I'm proud of them. And I'm I wish I could do it too. but. Yeah, when it's a bit like religion as well. It's there's this line between about tolerance of others, and it gets really murky when it's an ethical stance because yeah, I would personally argue that not killing any animals is the right way and the only way to do it, but I've found in my life of being a vegan it it's not always helpful to.
17:10
Esther Bertram
Just demand that to people in my life and bark it at them and say that's the only way. Yeah, it's a really tricky one. Again, I think This is why I live on an island because. The world doesn't make sense to me purely because the world is still not fully vegan. That's one of the main factors that hurts me a lot, that the world is still so. Blinded to the pain that's going on for all the animals? anyway. When going back to these dogmatic ideas. When we look at the outcome over a long period, if you think about I've, most people would have experienced an old person, really quite old person, who.
18:02
Esther Bertram
You know, they quite a while ago they for some reason decided they're having their dinner at 5:00 and that's just how it is. And as it goes longer through life, it's a bit like the curing cement. They get more rigid with that and more upset and more anxiety if things don't happen exactly as they've decided they need it to be, because that's what their theory of control makes sense for them. And although I'm not judging that that's a bad way to be, but.
18:37
Esther Bertram
There's another version of reality where instead of being so fixated on that. In later in life, and it can play out in all departments. You know you must have your bed done like that, you must everything. It's like you want to control every little detail. For me, I feel like that takes away a little bit of the magic, and there's more to life than. Controlling every little area of reality, there's so much more to see that is only observed. When you're. Outside of the fixed things. And it's. For me personally, I want to grow into an old person that still remains as I feel, which is quite like a 5 year old where I want to just play in life and.
19:38
Esther Bertram
Yeah, i think that. That's a good reason to already look at now, why we need to remain agile in our mind. And if you think of it like a Rubik's Cube, that's all jumbled up in my book, November Fox, she has to follow a Rubik's Cube and get all the sides they represent mind, heart, body, soul, purpose, and facing shadows. But if you imagine it stuck in a jumble. And they're your ideas, and you've locked in.
20:08
Esther Bertram
I'm not changing anything. You will never be able to unlock the puzzles of the universe which? Only happen if you remain open and receptive and. Yeah, basically, if you want the magic of life, you need to be able to be open. Otherwise you just won't see it, you won't experience it. It's that fine balance between creating your own realities and having dominion of your domains. But again, it's that letting go. It's the same what I said in the podcast about intentions. It's that fine balance. And it's a dance. It's like music in music. You'll have call and response or you have different instruments playing. If you just only push in One Direction.
21:00
Esther Bertram
You look at the tides. It's not equal. You need that balance. It's about giving, it's about receiving, it's about intending. It's about letting go. It's about dominating, it's about being submissive and receptive. For me. Magic is only observed when you read between the lines of the cosmos stance so. Yeah, that's why I think it's important. Anyway, I'm gonna talk a little bit about my upbringing and why. I've come to these thoughts myself and I think like most children. I've had my ups and downs. I lived in two very opposite worlds. My father and mother were 19 and 20 when they had me, and my mother was in the city.
21:51
Esther Bertram
My father was in the Bush. There was so much duality it's hard to even get my head around and. My father. From a young age, told me to think for myself. That was a thing. I just heard that script again and again. Think for yourself he even said, discouraged me from reading books. He read books to me as a child, but later on reading books. He always just said just think for yourself, don't feel your head with other people's ideas and although I've challenged him on that as an adult, I get what his message was it was about.
22:33
Esther Bertram
Remaining to be a free thinker and I I'm feel fortunate that he is a he's a radical free thinker, one of the most out there free thinkers. But that's what's amazing about him. He's very unique in that. Ability to almost, yeah, live outside any square and create new patterns. And I love that because I it's really. That's what's actually led me on my creative field, I think. Doing anything creative like music or book writing or whatever that makes sense in the world where you read between the lines and feel into nuances that are outside of normal, prescribed realities. And yeah, I'm very grateful that he had that influence on me, although there was a lot of turbulence too.
23:31
Esther Bertram
Living between they split up when I was two so yeah I lived with Mum in the city and the term time and every school holidays in the Bush with my father and. Already that was a dualistic experience, like my mother. But it goes further. There's so many layers of this jewel, lism. My mother's from the top of Finland and my father's from the bottom of Australia.
23:56
Esther Bertram
So logistically, they're polar opposites so. And my mom is very she's got a very yin and energy, and she comes from a very cold place, whereas my father comes. From my heart and Yang Energy, he's missed action. My mother is very reflective and does more internal work. And again looking at what they taught me. I'm very, I feel very fortunate that, like what mum showed me from her inner reflection and her.
24:33
Esther Bertram
Human soul. Serenity is about true kindness and compassion towards others, and I was already a sensitive child and an open child and she showed me from a very young age to see things from other people's perspective and be respectful to them. And that just exaggerated my already. Sensitivity towards others and it enhanced it and it made me into a very compassionate person for people's welfare. So much so that I became the captain of my primary school because I cared about everyone. I loved everyone, and in high school I became the President as well. So i liked positions of. Showing the way that we are all equal and we all belong and we all have.
25:29
Esther Bertram
Beauty in our diversity and I had that from a very young age and I could see that in everybody and I loved that about what mum showed me and I think that kindness, that true seeing the best in people came from her, training me in that. Whereas my father and his Yang hot headed, very external, extrovert energy. He taught me so Mum was more about my heart and, that feel, whereas my father was about my head and he taught me.
26:10
Esther Bertram
That everything I need to know is in my head and not to look externally for answers like don't read other people's books, just think for yourself and think before I act. And he has this really strong passion, which I guess is hard as well, but he just goes and does things. He works seven days a week and yeah, I became a person like that too. But one of his classic lines he had often below as a child when I was a child is switch on your brain.
26:38
Esther Bertram
Switch your brain on like if I was mowing the lawn on the ride on or whatever. He it was a affirmation. A strongly strong toned affirmation, but I actually think it helped it. I've from a young age I thought of things differently, like I remember in maths. I loved maths classes I went, I did quite well in them and I remember the teacher. Might have been when we were learning about Pythagoras and. I decided to do the same problem but just in my complete own way and I remember I got the same answer but I took a completely other route to it and.
27:24
Esther Bertram
That those kind of things happened because I was trained to think with my brain. But although parents can show you things, you still go on and make lots of mistakes. And yeah, but they set me off on a good path, I would say. And my mistakes were more about certain relationships that I ended up in entangled nations more than more than mistakes. With following my dreams and making my own realities.
27:56
Esther Bertram
They were I did. I have done well and continued to do well in those departments. But it yeah, it's taken. Couple of decades to learning about. How to be a 1-2-3 and not a 2-1-3 And that's my own detangling I've been working on. And yeah, but they set me on a good path. They armed me with a big, open, reflective, kind heart towards others and. A brain that thinks for itself and is highly driven to take responsibility and make shit happen in my life and.
28:29
Esther Bertram
Yeah, I thank them both for these skills that they showed me from a young age. And I think now in my forties, I'm finding the balance between that yin and Yang. I have been very Yang. I've been a go getter just power through in the last few decades. And now that I live on the island, I'm bringing more of that serenity and the reflection. And the balance my yin and Yang, yeah, into into a nice balance and. I think. One thing I have done, and that's why I want to share this episode, is i believe that I've remained open. And I still find myself observing the unfolding reality that we live within and we are a part of, without labelling it or holding on to it.
29:31
Esther Bertram
I definitely take an active part and I work with intentions and manifesting and. I'm very in reality, but I feel like I still do my best to dance through it. I don't clasp onto fix dogmas apart from my veganism. But that's my ethical stance. That's just it won't ever change. But I do feel like most of the rest of reality I do. I allow it to unfold and I observe it and. By being like that, allowing it's an allowance of the unfolding, it helps me retain my 5 year old status of.
30:15
Esther Bertram
Treating life as a big playground. I enjoy the highs. I love the highs I throw. I thrive on the highs, but I also accept the lows knowing. They too shall pass and everything is as we experience at the moment, where we are on a kind of linear timeline, and it's this unfolding and I know that things move and for every storm. There comes a rainbow and I'm very good at looking at the positive of things. And that's another thing I think I learned as a mechanism as a child, how to reframe reality and look at it from the positive. And yeah, it's one of my best skills actually some people might call it denial. I call it living in my rainbow and Unicorn land bubble.
31:02
Esther Bertram
And i'm happy in that bubble, to be honest. So I don't care if sometimes it borders on denial of somethings, because. So ultimately, I feel like I have a good. Holistic wellbeing in my life, so if it works for me, that's great. In my work life, I'm a chief marketing officer at a company called Mini Maestro's. We run music lessons for babies to five year olds and. In that role, I have needed to become an expert in reframing reality.
31:37
Esther Bertram
That's the whole world of marketing is about shining lights onto things at the right angle, at the right time, to convey the right message to your audience so. I think that I'm probably quite equipped for yeah, presenting this topic because yeah, it's something I've done as since I was a child. Plus, I do it in my work life. And yeah, remaining open to look from different angles is absolutely crucial and it helps us. Be able to let go of mental constructs that are holding us back. So let's dive into some practical applications for this and. The first thing I want to talk about is. Our brain and how I see it, it's almost like a map.
32:31
Esther Bertram
Just imagine a map of a country. And you have all the highways connecting the country and you've got familiar paths that just the main, the main paths that people take and they that's how you think. That's how you that's familiar. They're the paths, the neural pathways that you take because you've learnt them, that's how you've done it. Your brain wants to save time and energy, so you just do it the way that you've learned how to do it. Now that definitely is can serve you well because we like to optimize. But on this particular topic. We can benefit from travelling down roads we've never travelled and maybe taking the scenic route. Because if we've just got used to something from a young age because we just wanted to survive and it's become a highway.
33:26
Esther Bertram
Actually, there may be another path around that is better for you because time has changed. You're no longer in that situation. It may make you feel happier, it may give you better results, it may be more beautiful, it may lead you to different places. And that's what we're going to look at, is about trying to take new neural pathways just to double check our mental constructs, and especially in domains. That you feel like you need some progress. Obviously if you're thriving along in anything you don't even need to change it. There's a German saying never change your running system, but i challenged that and say if it isn't optimised and you want to improve it, yes, change the running system.
34:17
Esther Bertram
So how do people do this? How can you change your highways in your brain? Some people meditate. It's a very good thing. Some people go to therapy and take the lid off the box and find the. Be can of worms and start sorting through. Some people do work in lucid dreaming and tweak the subconscious from the back end. I know I've done some of that over my life. Some people take mind altering hallucinogenics. This is a really fast track, but it can also be extremely dangerous.
34:54
Esther Bertram
So I'm not advocating for that. But there may come a time where that's used again in therapies. Well, I think it's already happening actually for certain people because it's a known thing that it you can access with herbs and. Plants and things, different areas of your brain. And yeah, that's also another way to go down the other paths. But yeah, it can be very dangerous. I've known somebody who did that and they never returned and they've they're living their scenic route and are unable to. Participate in normal reality anymore.
35:34
Esther Bertram
So yeah, it's a it can be very dangerous. Some people listen to podcasts like this and hear some tips and maybe try some new paths like that so. That's what we're going to talk about some. My suggestions? I have to do what I call practising openness or flexibility. So one thing you can try is if we were talking a lot before about externally and internally and I think when we do something externally. Sometimes that can trigger us to do it internally, or we can mirror it and they're very connected to me externally and internally. But just to ignite the internal changes, you could try starting with external changes.
36:24
Esther Bertram
So this could be as simple as taking a new road to work. You might always drive that same road and when you do something that's so familiar, you can almost go in zombie mode and not really look around because it's just so familiar, but when you go down a new road. There are new houses to see. There are new trees growing on the side. There's new things happening down there and. Yeah, it can be really liberating. I there's a couple of times in my life these are really. I didn't haven't done it much, but I've done it. I remember 2 distinct times when I lived in Germany where from one minute to the next, no planning.
37:07
Esther Bertram
I decided to stop what I was doing, get in my car and I drove out of the city and I went on an adventure with no planning whatsoever. That was very liberating because I ended up in these weird scenarios just on my own. I remember being in this village and I'm just had to find somewhere to stay cause I hadn't planned it and it was this little country village and. Just being there without any planning.
37:34
Esther Bertram
I saw other aspects of reality that. Life started becoming it had a very surreal quality to it because it was almost like I was breaking my own matrix. And there was this comedian who was travelling through the. You on tour and he was staying. He stayed at the same little bed and breakfast that I did and we hung out for the evening and I chatted with him and he was say he just said to me, what are you doing here? It was like I had come from another dimension and I said I don't know, I just decided this afternoon to drive out of the city and go on an adventure and I came across this village and I checked in and here I am and here you are and it had a very surreal.
38:20
Esther Bertram
Quality to it, because it was so another pathway in a physical form anyway. I'm not saying just to drop everything now and go on adventure, but maybe you need to and it's and it can be healthy and it's. It brings a bit of magic to it, and there's a book I can't remember which one. Polo catallo? I don't know if I say his name properly. With one oh, I don't know which book it was, but they do that in that as well. Go on these spontaneous trip. Almost like a quest. Yeah, anyway. That's a book I read in my twenties.
39:01
Esther Bertram
Another thing you can try externally for you don't feel like just dropping your life and going on a spontaneous adventure and breaking your own matrix. It could even just chop the vegetables for tonight's dinner in a new way and try to break your patterns in even, like how you make your bed or how you brush your teeth. Try to do it in a new way. Just experiment. Do it crossways right around ways rather than up and down ways. And, if you need something a bit more extreme, you could try a new clothing style that you've just never worn before.
39:40
Esther Bertram
Or go into a shop and ask them to dress you in what they think they you should wear. And this has happened to me with my partner. I he chooses me the most out there, clothes that I would never choose. But every time I wear something that he's chosen, people comment, go ohh wow that looks good or whatever. And I I'm all and it's been so many times it's happened and it's something that he's chosen for me.
40:03
Esther Bertram
I think okay it's healthy sometimes to get out of your own way and just try something new. Or you could get a radical new haircut and every time you look in the mirror. You're proving to yourself externally that you're not rigid, and you'll probably start believing it once you try things differently, especially mundane things, because they're the things that are like the highways of our brain that we're so used to. So I think that's a good thing to try first externally. Then internally by witnessing you opening up and being flexible. It prepares your mind to be more malleable, and it is a malleable organ.
40:50
Esther Bertram
If you want to learn more about the science of that. I wrote a book about quite a few years ago now. It's called the brain that changes itself. And it's all about neuroplasticity. And there's amazing stories about people who have had a stroke and what they were able to do by doing certain behaviour and new learning to reprogram the brain. And they've proven that it is like, it's almost like plastic.
41:23
Esther Bertram
It can be formed and other areas can compensate for other areas, and it can actually morph, like Plato into new forms. And it yeah. If you want the science of it, go and read that book. It's fascinating on that subject and internally. What we can do, and for me this is the biggest factor, is what you can change inside, because then it's a lot more of a lasting result.
41:55
Esther Bertram
And changing perspectives is seeing things from new angles and. When you're an empath, you we're quite used to looking through the lens from other peoples view of life, but we too still get ego identification with forms and these controls of reality that we think that's who we are. We believe this and we still lock onto ideas even if we're able to feel through other people. We still can have detrimental limiting beliefs and. These are patterns that are often or highways of the brain that have been learned from a young age and they hold sometimes they're holding us back.
42:41
Esther Bertram
So the number one thing I think you can do to shift these. Is observing your inner narrator. So it's almost like it's putting us in three dimensions you have. A scenario happening. You're just you are. Doing something in life. You might be brushing your teeth. You're brushing your teeth. That's the action. Then you have your inner narrator that. It is the thing that creates a story for you to believe about what's happening. It gives you context, and this is the thing that. Often those highways, it's story. It's the thing that has grown inside your head from a pattern or a trauma or. Just you've been used to it being like that, and you believe that narration because you want to feel secure in reality, and so you believe the story the minute you start observing that in a narrator, you have a third.
43:51
Esther Bertram
Kind of pronged experience of reality. Seeing it from another angle and if you can step back behind or to the side or above this narrator and observe it and really listen to it. You can tune in to find what the roots of that story is. Where did it grow from? Why are you taking that highway all the time? And that's where things are locked in. And that's when you can start to shift it. And you can. It's really acutely noticeable when you have a very strong opinion on something, so the next time you have a really.
44:34
Esther Bertram
Strong opinion or someone winds you up and you just fix down on what you say is right. That's a really good moment to ask yourself, why are you so locked into it? Go observe your inner narrator. Why is the narration? Saying that is why it's so important and you're so locked into it. Because often you might find if your mind is a garden and the soil of your subconscious is neutral and you plant a seed in there, it could be any seed.
45:11
Esther Bertram
You might have grown a weed in your brain. And maybe not the hallucinogenic weed, but I just a normal weed that is holding you back that. Came from somewhere that isn't actually conducive to your holistic wellbeing. And sometimes you only you keep that weed there because you assume that that's you knowing yourself. But what is actually knowing yourself? And this is a very deep rabbit hole that I'm we're not going to fully go down that path because it would just probably take forever.
45:53
Esther Bertram
But all I'm suggesting is sometimes. These weeds, or these decisions or opinions are just fragments that we latch onto to feel safe and secure. But we need to look at what's behind the mental constructs. Why was that seed planted in there? When was it planted in there? And why are you? Holding on to it so rigidly because sometimes the most the thing you hold on the strongest is often a thing that maybe needs to be looked at. And you see that when people project their stuff, they might be blaming someone else for something.
46:34
Esther Bertram
Often blame is a way for somebody to act. It's something they're saying about themselves, but they blame somebody else. But if they were to look properly, it's what they want to hear themselves about themselves but they not yet able to observe. The story in a narrator and they just throw it externally to somebody else and. Yeah, look, this whole world. I take my hat off to the psychologist because it's just a fascinating. World, the mind and so many layers but. From my limited knowledge of psychology, I just love the subject. I'm not a psychologist though. My intuitive feel and logical experience knowledge of it, is I feel that we are all consciousness. Ultimately, what's behind the narrator? Behind the observer of the narrator, behind us doing the action.
47:36
Esther Bertram
Is consciousness and we're having a human experience. All the animals are having an animal experience, but maybe it's just a human that's part of the human condition. Is this latching on to form because we're here? In a form world. But for me, I find you can be both. You can be in the world of form, but still be in touch with the formless that's behind it all. That's the. Observer of the of the narrator.
48:14
Esther Bertram
And that is also the place where. More magic happens, and I actually find it less painful in life to not fill up your hands with holding so tightly to facts and thought forms that you almost get blisters in your fingers. For me, I find it. Way more joyfilled when you let go of those and keep your hands free to spend them hugging people, or holding flowers, or patting a kitten or playing guitar. Because those are the kinds of things in life for me anyway, that I'm more.
49:05
Esther Bertram
Worthy to give your hands to rather than clasping onto ideas or thought forms that. Often just get in your own way and then when you're in a state of receptivity with your hands open. The universe. Delivers you different insights as an external mirror to your internal. And this is where the birth of creativity comes from. Is being able to go between the worlds, go between the set pathways, being open to the nuances and the subtext of. The reality? and. To me, that's a beautiful place to live.
49:58
Esther Bertram
That's why I've lived in the world of creative expression for many years, because I love this in between world. And yeah, so if you want to start creating new scripts for your life, I'm going to quickly talk. The five finger theory is what connects to the 1-2-3 theory, and the five finger theory is mind, heart, body, sole purpose, and facing shadows. And you work with that. With the one so for holistic wellbeing, you can work with that for your mutually beneficial relationships to check, compatibility and you can also look at it when you want to assess if your work is a good thing for you to thrive in.
50:41
Esther Bertram
If you want to learn more about five finger theory, there's an earlier podcast on that subject, or also in my book the 1-2-3 theory. But if we look now quickly at those five domains, mind, art, body, sole, purpose, and then shadows comes at the end. If you're the only reason you'd want to really change a mental construct and look from a new perspective is if you're suffering somehow, usually cause if it's working, why change it? So if you're mentally suffering from some kind, maybe even just anxiety. One new pathway you could take is just looking at reality from another angle.
51:24
Esther Bertram
And again, going to a therapist is a fantastic way. There was another book that I'm thinking of, the art of not giving a fuck that's I didn't finish and I just started it. I feel like I'm in my forties. You sort of become like that anyway, so you got little fucks. Big fucks. You don't really give a fuck about things that don't really matter. That's a that's a health. That's a good book for if you if you want to start reprioritising what you give attention to. On a on a hot space. But yeah, sorry, going back to that, it's really just about giving yourself a new story and yeah, looking at it from a new angle, shining a light from another space.
52:13
Esther Bertram
And yeah, I would think that book might help you do that on a heart space. If you're shy, for example to make the first move in a friendship, or maybe with a lover, or, I don't know, even a work situation. I think sitting in meditation and thinking about the cause of why you're shy in that. So observing the narrator look at challenge yourself, interview yourself, why are you afraid of that look, and then observe what your inner storyteller says.
52:49
Esther Bertram
And it'll most likely say yeah, because, they'll probably have a plethora of reasons that you shouldn't do it. Because, I don't know, you might feel rejected or you might end up in a triangulation or whatever, but whatever, your brain just starts giving you that big list, observe it and rewrite it and try to write a new script. When you're observer gets involved, it's almost like a new producer and saying no script writer, I'm the executive producer or the master. Choose them and I'm going to actually tell you it's going to be written differently and you can just rewrite it.
53:25
Esther Bertram
Take a new path. Same in the domain of the body. So you might not be working out enough. You know you should be doing more exercises. Tune in and find out what is what mentally is stopping you, and if you if your narrator says things like ohh it's too hard, I don't have any time for it or whatever. You need to get your observer in there to be your own coach and rewrite the script and reframe it. Say things like the best thing I can do for my health and strength is going to do this workout and I deserve this time.
54:06
Esther Bertram
I deserve the investment in my body rather than the ohh poor me too hard. No time. And yeah, it does take what effort and work to rewrite scripts, but it's the first step to taking action if you ask me. It's the same with purpose, like if you are in a job that you're not happy with and. But you you're in an array to says are, but I need the financial security. I can't make a change already. That's put a blockage in your way and sure that might be true. But maybe just thinking that has stopped you from setting up a side hustle that you start on a weekend that maybe overtime grows to take over and you can still keep financial security, but you have grown a new garden on the side.
54:54
Esther Bertram
Anyway, it's another example. All of these domains and looking at our subconscious drives and habits is what I see as working on the shadow. Because if you think of your mental space as your subconscious and your conscious. The subconscious or the shadow world, as I said before, it's like the neutral soil of your garden. And even if you plan to bad seed, it'll grow that seed because it's neutral. If you plant amazing seeds of intention, it'll grow beautiful flowers with lots of produce. But the first step is weeding that garden. Weeding our mental garden from things that, yeah, just weeds that have grown from whatever reason, however you planted them.
55:44
Esther Bertram
So that it's a nice, beautiful garden for your mental space to live in. And yeah, the first point is observing it and looking at it and trying to work out where the roots are, because when you just pluck off the top, it grows back. So you need to understand where did it come from? What seed, when was that seed planted? What are the roots? When you understand that, you can rip that thing from its deep roots out for good and replant something more healthy in its position. And yeah, that's basically getting rid of those limiting beliefs because we are our number one thing in our own way for that.
56:28
Esther Bertram
And another thing you can do. And they do say you become like your friends. So I recommend if you're on a quest to become a super empath, start hanging out with high Vibe, 1-2-3 super empaths or other empaths along the quest like that can cheer you on and. Wave the flag on the sidelines for you to achieve your highest potential. Because if if we don't assess our rigidity at a young age, it's a bit like people who regret as an old person that they never did yoga and they can't.
57:09
Esther Bertram
They can't even move their old body very much because they didn't do stretching or flexibility. It's the same mentally if you don't stretch your brain. And remain agile. You can become so rigid, the joy and the magic. And your flexibility. Can be lost, so it's really important to practice mental flexibility if you ask me. As much as physical flexibility. So it's just, yeah, the other domain and. If you do that, I mean for me my aim is when I'm 94 like my nanny just passed away at 94 recently.
57:53
Esther Bertram
My aim is to still feel like a 5 year old then. And just, you know, galloped through life like a crazy Unicorn, happy and free. And have flexibility with your body and your mind and your heart and be open to continue dancing, I think. And when you do that, you will see more signs and you will hear more intuition because it's mirroring, yeah, all the backstreets of your mind and you've got far more exciting. Places to explore internally that you can also express externally through creativity or through your work or in conversations, and it's just much more of a rich experience when you have more pathways to explore.
58:45
Esther Bertram
And if you've set clear intentions to be a super empath, you will and you want to achieve that quest, you will definitely achieve it faster when you remain open and receptive because the language of the universe. It speaks through everything, through nature, through animals, through people, through places. And all of your answers are in your head. My, I believe my father when he said that. And if you want to read them externally, you just have to remain open and receptive because that's the only way you'll see them and hear them and feel them.
59:23
Esther Bertram
And when you do that, you will skip ahead and fly through your quest to be a super empath and you'll hardly recognise your life before and. Saying those words, I now know what story time and song time we're going to have today. It's a song, actually. From one of my albums, my life before it's called the song. The album is alchemy of the heart and it's. All about it was a bit of a love song, but it can also be about a pivotal moment or insight or meeting.
1:00:03
Esther Bertram
Or something that changes a new perspective that. From that moment to the next, you can hardly recognise. Your life before because it's just taken such a turn. And that perspective has shifted in such a way that. It's almost unbelievable eye opening and. I'm imagining empaths on their super quest. Just getting to one of those milestones and just going, Yep, I worked it out and that's another big part of the jigsaw puzzle. And yeah, hardly recognizing the. Life before that was harder and going into a beautiful new phase and new garden. So I dedicate it to all of You Beautiful empaths listening on your quest and.
1:00:58
Esther Bertram
Embracing change, remaining open and flexible so you can hardly recognise your life before in the positive. This is my life before. Coming up snow. Girl from where? morgan. I could see you once you. I can see you once you love my heart without me knowing. And let me here just, well, I'm standing. I can't believe. Notice you go. Emma's like we have some momentum. Tween the future. And the time from before. And the time from before. Kevin loves you. Let me know. Good morning bud, from where I'm working. I can't believe. And notice you're gone. Nothing here. When you hold me 1 kiss. Nothing here. When you hold me.
1:03:57
Esther Bertram
I can hardly recognize. I love this love. My life before. You broke the films to my aunts, keeping I lose myself in breaths of romance. One day on the floor. As I lay on the floor. Kevin lost without me noticing. Come and fucking where I'm walking. And I can see it once you. I can see you once you. One nothing. When you hold me. When I hear.
1:05:32
Esther Bertram
Hey, kids. My love one. When you hold me. I can hardly recognize my life before. I can hardly recognize my life. My life before. My life. My life before. That was my life before, from alchemy of the heart. If you'd like to listen to more music from my albums, you can head over to estherbertram.com.au And that wraps up today's podcast episode number ten a nice milestone we've achieved there. And yeah, I hope you've enjoyed it and enjoy brushing your teeth in a new way or any new neural pathways you decide to take as a result.
1:07:07
Esther Bertram
And I hope it serves you well to become even more holistically healthy and thriving as a super empath. Thanks for listening. Have a beautiful week. Till next time bye. Today's episode is sponsored by Step by step guitar lessons com Your Go to course if you're an absolute beginner and want to learn guitar. I have taught hundreds of students with my fast track method from ages 6 to 80 with lifetime access. These self-paced online lessons mean you can learn in the comfort of your own home.
1:07:41
Esther Bertram
The bike sized lessons are very easy to follow and the platform keeps track of your progress. This course is tailored for absolute newbies. And is much more effective than random YouTube videos or learning from your Uncle Steve who may not have the patience required to teach. At a true beginner's pace you are guaranteed to get fast results and if you don't like the learning style, there is a 30 day, no questions asked money back guarantee. Plus it only costs the price of two in person lessons, but you get over 50. There are several studies that prove that learning a musical instrument is the only activity to light up almost all areas of the brain at once.
1:08:22
Esther Bertram
Making music has the power to soothe your soul, heal your body, and bring you true joy. Not to mention, if you've always wanted to be a Rockstar, learning guitar is your ticket to do so if you're ready to learn or want to gift it to a friend, head over to stepbystepguitarlessons.com and enroll today. You've been listening to Empath Unplugged, a frequent release podcast of RAW and philosophical reflections on wellbeing, love, and the meaning of life, brought to you by your host, Esther Bertram, founder of the Insel, a rejuvenation island and community for empaths.
1:09:03
Esther Bertram
For more information or to join the community, head over to theinsel.com th e i n s e l dot com if you have found. Value from this episode and would like to become a patron to support future episodes and gain access to exclusive content only available to patrons. Head over to empathunplugged.com and sign up to be part of the inner circle. Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful and rejuvenating week till next time. Bye bye.