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Podcast Episode 04 - Empath Unplugged with Esther Bertram

As an Empath, When is it Safe to Open Up to Someone?

As empathic people, we tend to be very giving and open with our emotions. We want to feel safe and nurtured, and sometimes we open up to people before we really know them. This can be a great thing, but it can also lead to us getting hurt.
It’s important to set boundaries as an empath. We need to make sure that we’re in relationships that are beneficial to us and that allow us to thrive. We don’t want to end up in another tanglation – which can take years to detangle from.
So, when is it safe to open up to someone? In this podcast episode Esther explores how statistically, there is rarely a fully safe time to open up, because even if our partner doesn’t break our heart, we might break theirs. However, the pursuit of love and having mutually beneficial relationships that produce and outcome greater than the sum of its parts is a worthy endeavour and there are many strong relationships out there so we know great love is possible and often worth the risk. But to mitigate some of the risks, Esther shares a few safety mechanisms you can utilise for embarking on such a quest, especially if you are an empath who is prone to over-giving.
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Full Transcription

00:01
Esther Bertram
Welcome to empath unplugged. A frequent release podcast of RAW and philosophical reflections on wellbeing, love and the meaning of life brought to you by your host, Esther Bertram, founder of the Inzel, a rejuvenation island and community. For empaths, expect topics such as philosophy, psychology, art, culture, spirit, science, holistic health and the occasional beach fire song to be part of your wonder ride to your Oceanside escape. It's time to breathe in the salty air and bask in the soothing, warm sun to relax, reflect and vibe along with a fellow empath to rejuvenate. Hello listeners, welcome to Empath Unplugged. This is episode number four brought to you from the rainy inzel again, it's gray skies.
00:55
Esther Bertram
But it's a lovely day to go inward and reflect and rug up in a beautiful snuggly white fluffy blanket which I am right now. And I'm going to talk today about the topic of when is it safe to open up to somebody? Now this is a topic. That I find is quite important, especially when we're an empath because. By default setting we are often open to everything and everyone we have big open hearts and.
01:34
Esther Bertram
A lot of our journey is about. Utilising that openness and working with it like a full strength rather than being so open that we get pulled into all kinds of situations that we can then end up not really thriving in our best version of ourselves. So what today's podcast is about is a few safety mechanisms that could potentially help when deciding. If it's the right dynamic to get in to with somebody and.
02:14
Esther Bertram
Yeah, I'm going to just first jump in and talk about why I feel it's really important and. Especially for empaths who have been through trauma. Growing up, I think. We have had enough drama. Those of us that have had situations that were very testing. And often that actually leads to you becoming an empath because you're on high alert. I think you learn how it's like learning a dance.
02:44
Esther Bertram
It's in your body memory and. You may have been around challenging situations, and when you're just. A teenager or even in your twenties or thirties, it can happen at any age actually. And you are invited into a relationship. Unless you want to learn new dance steps often you do the dance steps that you may have known from the past. Because it's in your body somewhere so. Well, I think that it's very important to heal from that trauma and waltz with partners that are mutually beneficial and help you to thrive.
03:22
Esther Bertram
So this podcast is going to help. Hopefully just with a new perspective of some things you could potentially do to just have some safety checks. Because the worst thing we can do is accidentally end up in what I call a tangle nation that is not good for your highest. Output of the best version of yourself you can be because you're so tangled up in other things and. A thriving empath is somebody who is so powerful. I love meeting thriving empaths because I feel like they're like.
04:05
Esther Bertram
Beacons of light that because their heart is so connected and open, yet they have learned what it is to have boundaries, they have been through their own heroes, quest of trials and tribulations. So they have that wisdom that they're able to. Give back to the world in a really beautiful way and i just love seeing that process. When I when I have some empath friends who actually are coaches and they're able then to help other empaths.
04:40
Esther Bertram
It's just a beautiful thing because you see them shining and you know what they've been through. But it's not an easy path. And yeah, that's why I want to create this podcast because. I wish I had a podcast when I was working out some of these things 20 years ago. So the question of when is it safe is a well. It's 1000000$ question really because I think. It could, it's never well. Occasionally it would be 100 % safe, but I think in love. I don't know if it's ever safe, because even if it's safe for you, it may not be safe for your partner because you might break their heart and you don't want to do that either.
05:24
Esther Bertram
I think that with all love and life there are risks and but what we can do is we can mitigate them and we can just make it maybe less risky by choosing the right time or preparing better before you go into something with someone. And the problem for empaths, particularly. I'll go back to my 1-2-3 theory if you don't know what the 1-2-3 theory is. It's a theory I created in my twenties.
05:55
Esther Bertram
Have a listen to the earlier podcast. I go into it or go to the one two three theory dot com and it explains a bit more there with the book that I'm writing. But empaths are quite often by default to 1 threes, so one is yourself, two is your loved ones. Three is the rest of the world. A 2-1-3 puts others before their own needs, or a 3-2-1 puts their cause or their mission before their loved ones or themselves. So it's even more important for us to be wise about when we're choosing whether it's a safe situation, because usually an empath is a 2-1-3 or a 3-2-1 until you become a thriving super empath when you're a 1-2-3 Which is a big challenge, but we all get there in the end.
06:49
Esther Bertram
Once we do self work. When you're still at 2-1-3 it's even more important to be safer, because it can. You can spend literally years and years and years of your life in angulations that are not good. So and I won't mention with narcissists, but that's a common thing I just mentioned it, but that's a very common thing, and something that can well can sometimes be avoided if you if you just have a few. Parameters around that you can kind of checklist so you don't just get drawn in so. Why do we get drawn in and that's the big question. I think empaths are very flexible. We're very. It's almost like we we're like a water element.
07:42
Esther Bertram
We have this flow. About us. We're able to flow into other people's realities into our own. We can feel it. We can feel their realities, we feel our realities. And people who are not empathic or maybe only have a little bit of empathy. They're on the empathy spectrum down the other end. To me they can be quite rocklike like which is a beautiful thing as well. It's just different from us. I'm not qualifying better or worse. So if you imagine rocks in the river. If their agendas and their decisions and their sense of self and their opinions are fixed and what they want to achieve, they're like these hard rocks.
08:26
Esther Bertram
And as empaths, often we feel what it feels like to be a rock, and we empathize with it and say, yeah, hey, that's cool rock. You're a rock. I want to dance with you, but how do we do that? You're a rock, you're not really moving outside of your rock skin much. You're just being a strong rock there. I know I'm water I can just flow around you.
08:52
Esther Bertram
I can be adaptable. I'm flexible I can say yes I can do this. And we make it work because we're this flowing energy all around and we can. It's it. Can be a beautiful, dynamic and. But sometimes it's just good to be aware of the fact that. Often wear the flexible ones and that can work if the rock is giving us things that are helping us be the best version of ourselves and we're thriving. But if it is a matter of them just. Sitting there being a rock and only needing us to be there water around, then it's not really good for the longer term because yeah, we have to do too much of the flexibility so.
09:48
Esther Bertram
I think all humans and animals actually too, but empaths are just the same. We are human. We want to feel loved and respected. And some of us want to feel needed. I would just check in with yourself about this particular one, because if you reverse it the other way, and i fully feel like the world is a mirror, so I think. We want to love we wanna love people we wanna respect people. But I'm not sure we want to need them, not if we want to be a thriving 1-2-3 We need to be spring of energy of our own that flows into the world to have mutually beneficial connections and high impact, whatever that is.
10:38
Esther Bertram
In your world. Even if it is doing something that's just raising a beautiful family, that is a high impact thing and it takes a lot of energy to do that. So the a strong position is being a 1-2 and three. But when we in romantic relationships want to be needed, it means. You have to look at it. Also the other way that you will need them and. Although it's this is a tricky 1 because there's almost a romance in this codependent snuggly Oh my forever Romeo and Juliet Ness about it, but I feel like. It's also possible to have that, but with space between so.
11:31
Esther Bertram
Where you can love and respect and. Not need, but that does not mean that their roots are not very deep and there's actual space. There's air for that fire, and when it's a need, it's almost like the fire can. It can burn bright and strong, but it can suffocate in its own self and fizzle out fast. Or lead into a dynamic that just burns you, which is not good either so. Sorry if I've put too many metaphors out there already today, I'm probably gonna have a few more as well. I often find understanding reality easier when I put them in pictures.
12:24
Esther Bertram
But I think ultimately we want to open up as an empath. We do. We want to, we wanna have that big love feeling because it's part of a rich life experience and. I just think it's really important to mitigate the risk as much as we can. And but without waiting too long before life is over, because sometimes we can mitigate the risk so much that we just stay on our own, because sometimes that's easier and more comfortable.
12:56
Esther Bertram
And you know, we've been through enough. Stress with other dynamics. Before that it can be nicer just to be in our own space as a happy one. But I think the key is. Balance and it depends what you want from your life. Obviously different people want different experiences. I don't think we can ever be safe. I think we need to find that sweet spot, the Goldilocks section where the porridge is just right, so you've done enough preparation.
13:27
Esther Bertram
You have enough self strength and worth and thriving oneness that when you go into having a dynamic with another one. Another human. It is much stronger and healthier and it. The flow between having two ones who are connected. Compared to if you're a one, if you're a 2-1-3 going into a double one two three, it's just serving the narcissist and you're giving all your energy and it's just not going to last very long. It it'll be an interesting experience and often part of the hero journey of an empath. But I feel like as empaths I have a, I personally have a very big empathy for empaths because I feel like we are.
14:18
Esther Bertram
Most of us are very kind and. Often, gentle hearts and we deserve to have beautiful relationships and thrive so. I think connecting on a deep heart level with another human is a really glorious life experience. And yeah, Hollywood knows it, and I personally think it's worth exploring because it's one of the richest interesting. Realities I think we have as a human experience on Earth. I'll just go. I'm going to go back into my twenties and tell a bit of a story about how I.
15:05
Esther Bertram
Ended up going into, a 1-2-3 situation with another person so. When I was in my twenties, I gave birth to my 1-2-3 theory. I was with a narcissist at the time. I needed to get out of that. I needed parameters to understand how I had again ended up in a situation like that. I somehow got out of that, thankfully. And started to work do a lot of work on myself and I declared to myself. I am not going to go into another relationship with someone until I am a thriving 1-2-3 where I number one me my well being. It's really strong and I'm feeling almost like you can take it or you can leave it when you think about relationships.
16:01
Esther Bertram
I don't want to be needy. I don't want to even be needed. I want to just be the best version of myself before I combine it. It's almost like when you're cooking. I want the ingredients simple ingredients to be their full, glorious self and then you combine it with another one, but you wouldn't want to put you know a half done broccoli. That's kind of I don't know. I'm probably going on a stupid meter. I'm not going to even go down that broccoli path. Let's just leave the metaphor over there. But you know what I mean? It's like.
16:36
Esther Bertram
Just getting as strong as you can on your own. I knew in theory that would be the strongest building blocks I could have and. I did not want to repeat another situation where I'm just giving and the partner is taking and taking and taking and my life is this mental. A hamster wheel of going around, trying to analyze it and understand it, and I had no energy left for my work. The thing I really want to do, which is contribute to the world so. I put in these parameters with the theory and I declared it to myself and.
17:18
Esther Bertram
I stuck with it and it it's like it's often in life that once you make it clear intention and. Start doing something you think. Maybe it's going to take years and years, but I think the moment I started really getting my head around it almost just clicked into place and. I started feeling really good in my different domains of my life, so there's another theory which I might actually get to in this podcast, which is. How to be a strong one? And this theory was also born at that same time.
17:57
Esther Bertram
It's the sister theory of the 1-2-3 theory. And it's called the five finger theory. That's how it started. And that's what I started implementing then, and how to be a 1-2-3 I will go into that further in another podcast because there are so many tangents and. Depths of the theories, even though they're very simple, there's a lot of applications you can use them for, and they deserve their own exploration, but I will cover it briefly in today's one so.
18:32
Esther Bertram
Being a strong one for the 1-2-3 to me is a holistic approach. I've always believed in holistic approaches to most things, especially health. And what it is, it's a mixture of thriving in all the departments that I categorized as being the most important. And I gave 6 categories. There's mind mentally. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, my purpose and also facing my shadows. So if I'm able to thrive in all of those departments, I feel fantastic mentally. Emotionally, I feel secure and good self esteem physically. I'm healthy, I'm eating good foods. I'm doing good exercise spiritually and on a soul level. I'm vibing in the same in the right space of reality that I feel is my calling purpose.
19:31
Esther Bertram
I'm using my skills and my passions to the best of my ability to output to the world. Facing my shadows, I am consciously working on older programming that are old habits. Trauma from the past. Anything to do with my subconscious, that kind of thing through lucid dreaming and trying to give each of the departments of life value, time, effort. And when I when I found I could do that, that's what I call.
20:07
Esther Bertram
A through absolutely thriving one is when for me that they were the departments that mattered to me. If I could turn up the volume of all of them. That's when I feel the strongest on my own. So anyway, I started implementing that and I was and then. Now in my early thirties and i felt fantastic. And I'm a firm believer in I already said it earlier is in. The universe being a mirror to your soul and your state of being often, I find that's why I do a lot of positive intentions and working with. How I feel in my subconscious. Bringing into the conscious and then having it mirror externally so and working with intentions and positive affirmations and things like that.
20:59
Esther Bertram
And when I was able to. Really do that for myself and feel it in all the domains. In my theory I thought I will find another human who is doing that for themselves who is mentally strong, sharp emotionally. They understand their themselves and they are almost contained, physically thriving. On a spiritual soul level, they are following their calling. They're in tune with the universe. On a purpose level, they're using their skills and their passions, and they are also facing their shadows, so they're very aware they're emotionally intelligent due to the self work that they do and it ended up happening.
21:52
Esther Bertram
I met somebody when I was doing a tour in Germany. And it was actually, I mean this has got it. This is another whole podcast on its own because. It was a very synchronous, bizarre meeting that all came down to an intuition and a very strong urge to be in a certain place, which I almost didn't do as a sliding doors moment. But I got this message to change what should have happened that day, which was completely different and follow this other decision and I literally said to my friend Sharon at the time.
22:27
Esther Bertram
Sharon, I need you to be quiet. I can feel what I'm about to decide and we were in the media Mark Car Park in some little town in Germany. What I'm about to decide. We'll have a big effect and I said that out loud to her and we ended up going to a different town that afternoon even though it was going to be raining.
22:44
Esther Bertram
And we were meant to go back to where my producers place anyway. Long story short, that's where I met my partner, who I'm still with today. 12 years later. And that came from an intuitive, very strong feeling anyway. He represented a very strong one, and I'm. Although we are completely different, he's not. He is the opposite of being an empath. He's very logical and rational. Although I see empathy as also logical and rational in its own way or extremely well like yin and Yang. Salt and Pepper day and night. I think that's why it's lasted, and it does.
23:28
Esther Bertram
Give each of ourselves so much because it is that it's the opposites combining, although it brings its own challenges. Obviously it's hard sometimes having such difference, but you know salt and pepper do belong on the same table, so. It's interesting. Anyway, it ended up my theory came true and I've been exploring. Then this dynamic of having. A relationship with another 1-2-3 So we've been successfully being one two threes together. In for the last 12 years and so this is another reason why I can say confidently that my theories work because.
24:13
Esther Bertram
It wasn't just a random idea. I'd had thought for quite a long time, and then I. Put in the work it took to actually live the theories and then be able to experience what it's like. Once they're implemented, and I'm here today that in a in a world where my one is strong. My twos fantastic and I love my friends and family. My three is now flowing like anything I'm giving back to the world because I have all this extra energy. I'm creating the community, writing books, writing music, helping run a music company. Anyway, it's not to brag. By the way, I don't. I just this is just to exemplify that. When you do get that order in order.
25:03
Esther Bertram
Life can be just, it can just flow quite easily and I feel like I'm living proof of the theory and practice and it it's not a finished project. It goes on every day is self work. I don't think you ever arrive anywhere, but if I compare how I was living when I was in my twenties as an unconscious empath, just an intuitive empath, getting swayed around and entangle elations and not trying to make sense of all my intuitions and my lucid dreams. In my prophetic dreams like there was so much going on that I just didn't understand and I needed to find a way to make sense of it all and get some kind of order in and find a way to work with the energies and the skills that i seem to be.
25:56
Esther Bertram
Generating and receiving in both ways anyway. So that's a bit about where it came from. Now I want to give you some maybe takeaways of what you could do to self check yourself if it's safe to go into a relationship. Now I've spoken in another podcast about the Ace ACE. I'm going to use it again today. It's very helpful because it's almost like. You know you're analyze the situation. You make a plan and then you do an action and that that's a common thing to do for me. When you're facing any kind of topic, first you analyze then you make a plan. And then you put it into action. And that's what I think we can do.
26:50
Esther Bertram
With this particular situation so. When you're facing the issue, the question, is it safe? To go into to, open up to truly open up to somebody. I think I mean by the way, just the short answer is statistically, I don't think that's hardly ever is. As I mentioned before, but we can mitigate that and life is about living and risking and falling and. But my absolute answer. The shortest answer is I think you know this already. It's in your guts. Know the truth and I think that's beyond what your mind or your inner narrator tells you, I think. As empaths we know deep within us. More than anything I can tell you now more than my ACE plan, or more than a councillor more than the world, I think.
27:51
Esther Bertram
Deep inside yourself you know that, and this is the trouble. I think that we want to believe other things in our head. Our maybe our Hollywood program self wants to tell ourselves a story. Oh, he's the perfect or she's the perfect or. It's just yeah, I think. The other thing is all the voices from everybody else. They want that for you or you may be your father or your mother wants that for you and there's so much noise going on in our heads that. The biggest struggle we face as empaths is finding that quiet and tuning into our inner gut that's beyond our own head that's beyond everybody else's feelings and thoughts that we feel into and tuning into there.
28:36
Esther Bertram
So if there's one thing you can take away from this particular podcast is do anything you can to support an environment where you can have a direct conversation with your inner knowing, because down there, I promise you the answers in there. And yeah, it's hard to hard to find it sometimes, but that that's the number one takeaway. If you can't find it at the moment. Or it's too noisy or you just don't know how.
29:05
Esther Bertram
I'm gonna give you my ace method as well, which is another an analytical way to kind of pull apart the subject. So let's have a look if you're wondering about opening up to somebody. Ace A is for awareness, so the first step. Is to analyze where you are up to in your empath quest so. All of us empaths. I always see it like just imagine a long line from left to right and on the left is where you start the quest when you're just working out. You're an empath and it's almost like Lord of the Rings. The other end far over here on the right is your perfect manicured garden.
29:53
Esther Bertram
If you listen to the other podcast that would make sense where you can live blissfully in a beautiful, maybe even on an island. Let's put it on an island. Beautiful manicured garden on an island under your apple tree with beautiful apples to eat with your grapes growing in the vines and perfect grass and no weeds and no thistles. Enjoying life and you can only enjoy that properly if you've been through that quest. And that quest is a pain in the arse, I'll just say that, well, it is for most of us empaths, because what happens is when you're an unaware empathy just finding your powers. You step out into the world. Usually you end up in a jungle or a valley or a forest that is filled with monsters and.
30:44
Esther Bertram
To Angulations and just challenges hardcore things. And then you've got a mountain. You've got to climb and understanding what it's like to be an empath in the workplace. And I mean, it goes on and on. There are so many things to work out in your quest. As an empath, before you get to your beautiful garden of. Being a super empath. So first you need to analyse where are you in that quest. Are you just working out that you're an empath and you haven't even been in any relationships yet? Then you're at the start of your relationship at start of your own yeah quest. So then it's really important to take extra care because. If you don't.
31:30
Esther Bertram
Look at what's ahead or understand your situation of being an empath. You will end up in that jungle and you will have some things to navigate that may be very tangly. So my advice to you is maybe just. Get a bit of perspective now step out and. Connect with empaths that are further down the path and that can even be going to see a coach. Or join our empath community. That's lovely, beautiful empaths in there.
32:07
Esther Bertram
Start connecting with empaths that are a bit further down the path so they can help you. Not have to spend too many years in, unhealthy tangled nations. And yeah, help you towards thriving faster if you're in the middle of your quest, you've probably been in one or two relationships that are possibly triangulated and you kind of getting the hang of it, but you still you still got a few things to learn. And you're not quite able to just be in your garden and have perfect boundaries with people and know who's feelings what and their feelings or your feelings and you're just fully thriving as a 1-2-3 You might be still 2-1-3 but you've got more awareness at this point because you've been through a bit, so you're mid quest.
32:58
Esther Bertram
And I'd say for you guys, you will probably be wise enough to know. Better to know if you're wondering about opening up to somebody. You probably you are the best place ones to really know from your gut and your recent experiences. How important it is to put a few safety mechanisms in place right about now and Step 2 in. This will give you a few more of those safety mechanisms, so just hang on to Step 2. People empaths that are at the other end who are in your thriving garden.
33:34
Esther Bertram
And you're super impasse. And you're 1-2-3 empaths and you just basking there in your beautiful place. First of all, congratulations for getting there. I know how hard it is and the quest of valleys and mountains and jungles and everything. It's a lot. It's a lot, it's a lot. It's a lot, and you deserve to celebrate now and I'm commending you for getting there. But I do have one bit of advice because I do. I've experienced a few empaths who have got to that garden. And I just want I would advise that you just check in with yourself if you've decided to be in that garden and never have a relationship again, you just want to be a one.
34:22
Esther Bertram
And a two and a three, but with just friends and family. And you don't want to have a relationship anymore because you. It just reminds you of those valleys and jungles that were just really big. Annoying part of your life. And I just wanna ask you to check in if you're jaded from that or if you. Could stay open. This is the romantic in me by the way. I just waving the little flag of romance because. I think that. You might be down at the markets and you know you'll see someone and they get that little. Glimmer in their eye, and he just think, oh God, you might get that feel, but then you shut it down immediately because you just remember all those trials and tribulations that got you where you had to go through to get to your garden.
35:12
Esther Bertram
Just maybe. My advice is remember life is short and you can if you invite them into your beautiful garden. Maybe you can see them more like a fire pit in the middle and. Every good manicured garden deserves a little fire pit because fire and flame and passion. Is a beautiful part of reality and it keeps you warm on cold nights so. Just that's my little romantic flag. Obviously everybody should do what feels right, but I just don't. I know that sometimes the pendulum can swing so far that when you've done so much self work.
35:55
Esther Bertram
And you've been through too much crap in the past. Your pendulum swings that way and you've got your life in order and you just go. I don't wanna risk losing that or going back to the bloody quest. I'm happy now. And yeah, I think that's fantastic as well, but. Yeah, we still need we. There's still some Hollywood movies to be made maybe i'm maybe, I'm deluded.
36:20
Esther Bertram
Maybe I am deluded. Just keep your eye out for that little twinkle in someone's eye because it might be some of the most. Lovely experiences you have, especially when they're another 1-2-3 and you can both be one two threes together. Anyway, I like writing songs about that, so let's step on to Step 2, calibration O wherever you're up to whether you're at the start of your quest in the middle, in your beautiful garden at the end. And just enjoying the bliss of reality.
36:54
Esther Bertram
I think we can all do some calibration. That is Step 2 in this process. The world is a mirror. I fully feel it as a mirror anyway and I think that. If we want to really thrive with another person, the best we can do is thrive ourselves 1st and it will be mirrored back to you so. The more self worth work, the more self work we do and self worth is a part of that actually is. The more that I think that comes back to us, so any of you that are wondering if it's OK to do well being work for yourself.
37:36
Esther Bertram
Hopefully you're not wondering that and no 100 %. It is so important and don't feel guilty ever. If you're giving yourself time and space and energy and love to nurture yourself and I would love it if that's why I built the insular rejuvenation island for empaths because. I just see too many empaths still not giving themselves enough and i just want. I would love to see every empath just. Loving themselves and nurturing themselves as strongly as they can because they're going to be the best. Lovers of the world. If they do that, you'll be able to give so much more to your relationships, so much more to the world.
38:20
Esther Bertram
If you love yourself 1st and be that pure bright beacon that I know you can be. And so I think. As I said before, my five finger theory is a good starting place. If you're not sure if you're thriving, do a quick self check. Are you mentally happy, stimulated, clear? Are you emotionally fulfilled on your own? Do you feel good as a in your heart space? Physically, how much effort are you putting into your diet and your exercise and your even your location? The room that you live in, the house that you live in, your environment? How much is are you giving attention to making that the best place for you? spiritually.
39:09
Esther Bertram
And on your soul level, are you on your path? Are you in tune with universal energy? Are you going into nature and vibing with the collective energy of all that there is and just resonating and working with that energy? On your purpose level are you living? The output career. To the best of your skills and passions, because they are unique to you and you can offer them most when you align your skills and your passions and give them to the world. So are you doing that? That's another thing to ask yourself and shadow work. Are you doing the deeper self work of becoming aware of your unconscious behaviours? Your patterns of the past that have just they live in your conscious, the way you view the world, your judgment of the world because of your inner narrative, the way you act out, they are called what I call face monsters.
40:11
Esther Bertram
Are you finding yourself acting out in ways that you know that the cause is based in? Something else, but by the time it comes out and manifests its twisted into this face monster. If you're having any moments like that, it's a very good time to. That's when I would definitely recommend going to a councillor, a coach, a therapist, and trying to detangle that and work out where they're coming from, what it is doing that self work. If you've done all that and you're thriving. As a really strong human, you are a 1-2-3 already. It's just in my mind. It's just a matter of time before you're going to come across another 1-2-3 and they'll be standing in front of you.
40:57
Esther Bertram
And you will ask yourself the question, is it safe to go into this? If you're strong in those six departments, you'll know the answer and you'll be able to just do it with confidence. If you're not strong in those areas, I would suggest. Doing what you can to strengthen them as fast as possible, because if you don't you might end up in a triangulation where you've got a big weakness in one of those departments and that feeds in like a. Jigsaw to their strength or weakness and it may be good, but.
41:33
Esther Bertram
If you want a bigger experience or not bigger if you want a more energy output. Dynamic self work first. Then this is where the theories get interesting. You can do a test on your partner you with the partner you're currently with or your potential partner. You're wondering to go into, put them on the five finger theory test. So check. Out how compatible, are, you mentally, emotionally physically, spiritually purpose shadow work and if you can, even you know, do a score out of 120 Give 20 per category and score it and do a quick little calibration assessment like that and see if that could already be a bit of a compatibility test for you.
42:25
Esther Bertram
Step three is knowing in your guts whether it's time to engage and do a dance with this particular person and if you. A tuning into your deep heart. Gut that's down there below. Everything you'll know if you wanna waltz with them and nothing. This podcast can't help you. Nothing beyond anything. Can help because actually the true answer lies within you. So as I said before, if you take anything away from today's podcast is tune in to yourself. And one more bit of advice, which I did say to poor connect with other empaths that are along the path because they will help you.
43:04
Esther Bertram
That especially the ones that are a bit further along their heroes quest and they will help guide you as well. So I know I might be a bit of a true romantic, but I feel like love and the dynamics we find in love teach us so much and different characters teach us so much. And yeah. So if you don't want to waste years of your precious life in dynamics that don't serve your highest good.
43:34
Esther Bertram
I highly recommend doing self checks and when you've got these safety mechanisms in place you will get through your heroes quest faster because I think the ultimate is to get through that part of life as an empath, as fast as possible because it gives you the most amount of time. Then in your beautiful garden and I know they say the journey, the process, the journey is the process is what you should enjoy, but in this metaphor as an empath, I think getting to the point where you're thriving.
44:04
Esther Bertram
1-2-3 is just so lovely, because then you can enjoy your garden. You can enjoy your life. You can have a fire pit and dance around it naked and just sing to the moon and spend your time doing that rather than slaving over another mountain climb or battling something in the forest. Which, yeah, that's fun for a while, but I think it's head over to the garden. You're probably going to be. You can invent new quests inside your garden as well, so.
44:35
Esther Bertram
I say go for the garden. Anyway, I think I'm going to leave you with two things. First, I'm going to give you a poem and this is from Khalil Gibran. It's on marriage. It's a beautiful poem that I discovered when I was in my twenties Actually, I'm just going to read part of it actually, and to me this is the perfect example of what it is to be in a 1-2-3 relationship. So this is another way you can do a self check guide is if you're already in a relationship. If you listen to this poem and you feel like that, that's what you have. It's that's wonderful. It means you're in a really, I think.
45:21
Esther Bertram
From my perspective, by the way, everything in this podcast is just my perspective. And I think that's a really healthy balance, so. Here it is. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink not from 1 cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous. But let each of you be alone, even as the strings of aloot are alone. Though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not in to each other's keeping for only the hand of life.
46:01
Esther Bertram
And contain your hearts and stand together, yet not too near together for the pillars of the temple. Stand apart and the oak tree and the Cypress grow. Not in each other's shadow. I like that it ended with the garden metaphor. I just find that so beautiful and appropriate to what I see as being, yeah, a beautiful mutually beneficial flow between two humans and that's really possible when you're a strong 1-2-3 So I'm gonna finish up with song time and I usually finish with story time or song time or something from my creativity garden.
46:39
Esther Bertram
So when I first arrived at the garden of love that I arrived at 12 years ago, I'd been through a lot my long quest. Multiple relationships that were unhealthy. A couple that were really nice, so I'd had about 1-2-3-3-4 5 long term relationships from when I was a teenager to when I was 30, so i just was a serial monogamist that went on. You know usually for a few years each all interesting in their own way. A couple of that were very challenging. But it was a big quest after I had arrived.
47:23
Esther Bertram
Out to the other end of all that, I decided to become a 1-2-3 I started working on becoming A123 I wrote a song with my really dear friend, Charlie. He's a guitarist and it's called Lily's debut and it's. About getting to that point where you're ready to trust again and open up after all the trials of the past and. I like lilies, are beautiful because they grow from the swamp and to me the swamp is life and quests empath quests, but they still retain a purity, and although it's maybe never 100 % safe to open up to somebody, I think Lily is intuitively know they were born to open up and they still do.
48:12
Esther Bertram
When they sense the time is right. And yeah, usually they've had to go through a massive shit swamp to get there, but. When they get there, it's really beautiful. So I'm gonna finish today with Lillie's debut. This girl from the swamp. It's just like me. Tainted history please. Growing up kidding. It's just like me. Hello testing. Lived in raindrops. I have lived in the sun. Love them, love lived in snowstorms and been frozen in one frozen and I've watched the birds fly and the fish swim. All this let me tell you, you'll live this day. Open just for you no.
50:28
Esther Bertram
Scroll in. That's just like being. Sounds was a child. Me to you. Your little is stable. Open just for you hello. That was Lily's debut from my album The Tea House that I wrote together with my friend Charlie. And that's the end of today's podcast. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me today. I hope it brought you some value or new perspectives and I look forward to exploring the universe. Love life philosophy with you on another episode. Thanks for listening, bye.
51:54
Esther Bertram
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52:24
Esther Bertram
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52:55
Esther Bertram
All areas of the brain at once making music has the power to soothe your soul, heal your body and bring you true joy. Not to mention if you've always wanted to be a rock star, learning guitar is your ticket to do so if you're ready to learn or want to gift it to a friend, head over to stepbystepguitarlessons.com and enroll today. You've been listening to Empath Unplugged, a frequent release podcast of RAW and philosophical reflections on wellbeing, love and the meaning of life brought to you by your host. Esther Bertram, founder of the Inzel, a rejuvenation island and community for empaths.
53:38
Esther Bertram
For more information or to join the community, head over to theinsel.com If you have found. Value from this episode and would like to become a patron to support future episodes and gain access to exclusive content. Only available to patrons head over to empathunplugged.com and sign up to be part of the inner circle. Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful and rejuvenating week till next time. Bye bye.